Wednesday, October 9, 2013
No Safewords
I dont like safewords. Here's why. It gives the sub the last word, the ultimate authority and control over an activity. To me this is a form of topping from the bottom. The sub does reach true submission without acceptance of authority and loss of control. I want my men to trust in my ability to bring them to the edge but to not let them fall, to know when to explore their boundraies and when to play it safe and stick close to their comfort zones. I want my submissive man to trust me as I will trust him. Sometimes this would be understandably difficult, it's like the only way to know that you will land safe and sound is to jump off the cliff and prove it, an act of faith and trust, that exposes vulnerabilities and leaves one open to wounding. This is why communication is so important and the sub has a responsibility to answer honestly when being asked about their needs, desires, fears and vulnerablities. It is extremely important to me that a man be able to communicate well and listen carefully and be obedient as I guide them in giving over control.
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I tend to agree. I don't have a safeword. A big component of the rush I get out of being submissive is that the play is not up to me. Probably our biggest kink is cock and ball torture, and my wife enjoys slapping my balls. She likes my nonverbal reactions and moaning. There have been times when I have told her it hurt too much and she made some snide remark like "don't be such a baby and take it like a man, I'm not hitting them that hard". That just turned me on all the more, realizing I was completely not in control of the situation. In fact, probably the most memorable times we've had are when she crosses the line and causes a bit too much pain. The feeling of being out of control and solely resting the fate of my male bits to my Queen is a huge rush. Even though she doesn't have a pair of balls (duh!), I think she has enough experience with tormenting mine that she knows roughly what I can take.
ReplyDeleteI think that's the key: if you know your partner really well and have a decent amount of experience, I don't think a safeword is necessary... more for newer partners, I guess.
Along these lines, one of her more sadistic ideas was that as she stroked my cock, she told me she was going to slap my balls harder and harder until I came. It was a predicament in that I wanted to come so bad, more to stop the pain than the pleasure of the orgasm. It was really hurting towards the end, and mercifully I ejaculated. Intense session!