After a long discussion with my best friend
and some serious thought, I have come to the conclusion that although I don’t know
whether it is sadism or not, it ultimately doesn’t really matter. In the end,
what does matter is that two people each get what they need from the
relationship. That someone needs and wants what I need and want to give and
vice versa so that each comes away satisfied. I have come to think of the
participants in a D/s relationship as the opposite sides of the same coin.
Initially, I was very concerned with where all of this comes from. A lot of my domination
fantasies actually emerged in my early teens and Ive often wondered how a
teenage girl comes up with such thoughts on her own. It was really a natural
emergence, with fantasy and desire and need sprouted from the pool of my own
femininity. What I have now come to understand is that this particular journey
is about acceptance and fulfillment, and that psychoanalyzing why is really
counterproductive to the enjoyment and love of life.
I agree- if it fulfills the need of both sides, it doesn't matter. When I was a child I had some imaginary girlfriends that "made me" do several things, some painful, some unpleasant, some gross, and most all of them naughty. But I so longed for a girl to make me do such things. It's been a lifelong craving. Is that masochistic? Perhaps. As you say, it doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting to trace back various pieces of my sexuality to realize that why I wish to submit sexually to my wife. However, even if it didn't make sense to do so, it really doesn't matter. I crave to submit to her in a sexual way, and she enjoys the control. So we are, in a sense, perfectly suited for one another.
ReplyDeleteMy wife is by no means "naturally dominant". I think it took her a while to accept my submission but she seems to really like it now. I am glad we have explored this aspect of our sexuality, and suspect that it will always be a part of our play. We like it too much.