Sadistic? Doesnt matter.

After a long discussion with my best friend and some serious thought, I have come to the conclusion that although I don’t know whether it is sadism or not, it ultimately doesn’t really matter. In the end, what does matter is that two people each get what they need from the relationship. That someone needs and wants what I need and want to give and vice versa so that each comes away satisfied. I have come to think of the participants in a D/s relationship as the opposite sides of the same coin. Initially, I was very concerned with where all of this comes from. A lot of my domination fantasies actually emerged in my early teens and Ive often wondered how a teenage girl comes up with such thoughts on her own. It was really a natural emergence, with fantasy and desire and need sprouted from the pool of my own femininity. What I have now come to understand is that this particular journey is about acceptance and fulfillment, and that psychoanalyzing why is really counterproductive to the enjoyment and love of life.

Am I sadistic?

This is another post of a personal nature. I am asking myself if I am possibly sadistic. I dont think so, yet I think of some of the things that I like and want to do and I have to wonder. Today, while walking through walmart I passed the pet aisle and happened to see out of the corner of my eyes all the dog collars hanging there. My mind immediately went kinky.At that moment, I was not putting those dog collars around his neck like you might guess. I was thinking, is there one small enough I could put around the base of his balls. So this created a wonderfull musing in my brain as I passed up the aisle that would not go away. I was thinking how most dog collars have a little ring on them for the dog leash, and how using a dog leash and walking him along by his penis like that, would be so very arousing. So, yes I had to turn around, and go back and check out the dog collars and yes I did find small ones that look like they will fit around the base of a mans balls. Ok, so I cant wait to get a guy to try this out on. After a little while, then it occurs to me that there are dog collars that look big enough to fit around a mans neck also. So, what I am curious about is if I come up with these weird things myself and they just pop into my head, is this saying something about me. The dog collar or balls collar as it will turn out to be if I can get it to work that way, brought to the forefront another nagging concern Ive been having. I am worried that doing some of the things that I want to do could mean Im sadistic. I guess I think that would be bad. Im not going to go into details. Thankfully Ive been talking to some men who would really like me to do these things to them, so I dont think it would be wrong at all to do this. I think our needs would match up perfectly, they seem to need what I want to give. But is it sadistic of me to want, to really desire, intrisincly to give it to them, not just out of some sense of duty or feminine obligation to please her man, but out of something internal and deep rooted and really totally selfish on my part? Hmhh, something to think about I suppose. The internal musings of a mistress.

No Safewords

I dont like safewords. Here's why. It gives the sub the last word, the ultimate authority and control over an activity. To me this is a form of topping from the bottom. The sub does reach true submission  without acceptance of authority and loss of control. I want my men to trust in my ability to bring them to the edge but to not let them fall, to know when to explore their boundraies and when to play it safe and stick close to their comfort zones.  I want my submissive man to trust me as I will trust him. Sometimes this would be understandably difficult, it's like the only way to know that you will land safe and sound is to jump off the cliff and prove it, an act of faith and trust, that exposes vulnerabilities and leaves one open to wounding. This is why communication is so important and the sub has a responsibility to answer honestly when being asked about their needs, desires, fears and vulnerablities. It is extremely important to me that a man be able to communicate well and listen carefully and be obedient as I guide them in giving over control.

 

Acceptable behaviors

     So, one thing I have learned as a new mistress is that it is imperative that any potential men in my life understand what is expected of them from the beginning,

     Ive come to realize that its important for any dominant female, be they mistress, dominatrix, or goddess, to have clearly identified her own strengths, weaknesses, needs, desires, limits, comfort zones, and areas of opportunity in order to provide guidelines for her mans behaviors. It is her job to guide him to the right choices, through the expression of her desires, and to instruct him in how to please her. He must be provided with clearly defined acceptable behaviors in order to please her and maintain access to a peaceful, loving, nurturing relationship for them both. I believe that as a kind, accepting, and loving mistress, once error is accepted and punished, mistakes are left behind, not to be worried over again, so the relationship moves on, without guilt to color it.

     Some things that are important to me may not necessarily be important to another woman, therefore some acceptable behaviors are unique to ones individual relationship. However, I assume that certain expected behaviors, such as obedience and respect, are universal. For me, I also expect my man to respond in what I consider a timely manner, to show his desire for me, to appreciate the many things I would do for him, and to trust me to explore his boundaries. 

Introduction II

I think most women come to femdom as a prompting by their boyrfriends and husbands. I also was introduced to the concept by a man. But where some women seem to warm up to the idea over weeks, months, and even years, once I realized that my true self had acceptance somewhere, I jumped right off of the vanilla cliff and delved into this lifestyle with gusto. With no real instruction and guided only by intuition and by what felt right ive wandered a path of feminine wisdom that is beyond measure, beyond value, and that ever expands in my understanding and practice of female dominance. 

Great Expectations

Well, todays post is a bit more personal. It is about the things that women accept from their relationships with men. I hate to say, but I have not lived my life being treated well by men. Now that femdom surges within me, I have demanded of myself confidence and self esteem. I have promised myself that I will be proud and that I wont put up with the kind of bad treatment by others that I have in the past. The specific treatment I am talking about is guys who don’t call or communicate or who don’t get back to me in a timely manner. I do understand that we are all busy, but taking too long to get back to a woman is a sign of a lack of enthusiasm. Here is an example, I recently had my first experience dominating last weekend. I asked this slave to get back to me, our preferred communication method being by email, letting me know how he felt things went and what were his feelings. That was a week ago. I sent an email reminder in the middle of this week, really more than I needed to do in my opinion. Irregardless of how busy he is, he needed to follow up with me in a timely manner, so that I feel enthusiasm and desire from him. So from now on in my life I am going to make sure everyone knows what is and what isn’t acceptable to me. From now on I expect any men, or potential subs, slaves, or dates, to know that I require a quick, enthusiastic response, and treatment that affirms their desire, interest in, and appreciation of me. 

Listening to what she says

     Just because a man is submissive, does not mean he will automatically know how to make his wife, girlfriend, or mistress feel loved, cherished, or special anymore than a vanilla man will. I think however, that a submissive man is more willing to do what is necessary to please her. This does not mean that he knows what to do to please a woman. So, he has the same difficulty as any other man, in that he cant read her mind. Therefore, men, please listen attentively to what she is saying and what she asks of you, because this is the best way to know what she needs, wants, and desires. Doing what your woman says and completing tasks she asks of you is the best way to please her. I think that men in a femdom or wife led marriage are lucky because in most cases they don’t have to try to guess or decipher what their woman wants from them. Most women who have found the freedom of a femdom relationship have also found the freedom of honestly expressing their wants and needs and the fortune of having them met.

     Sometimes it seems like femdom focuses a lot on the needs and wants of the female. I wonder if males ever worry that their needs are neglected. Well, I want to let them know that the mans needs are never neglected. The truth is that your woman is always thinking about you, as caretakers of the family, it comes naturally to most of us. Whatever a mans needs and wants are, he can bet his woman knows about them, and irregardless he will almost always have his needs met automatically as a function of maintaining the family unit. But what of the womans needs, what man can say that he is so intuitive that he knows automatically what his woman needs. A womans mind is like a mystery to a man, and it is a rare and unexpected man to decipher the world of women. Therefore while his needs are easily met hers are met only when she manages to get the message across. So once again I encourage the male gender to pay attention to what his woman is saying.

     A trap that ive seen a lot of men fall into is this. His wife or girlfriend tells him something. Now she has told him this because it is important to her. Now he doesn’t recognize the importance of what she has said. He doesn’t recognize what shes said as important because he doesn’t understand how it could be. You see, it wasn’t all that important to him, and he thinks that it doesn’t make sense to do this particular thing. Therefore, he neglects to do this because it was not that important to him and he doesn’t see how it could be so important to her. The problem here is that he assumes that her mind has prioritized things the way his has. Whatever she is focusing on you can be sure it is about the maintenance of the family, providing for their future, and assuring everyones happiness. Ive no idea what you men generally focus on but to me as a women I can tell you it seems like an awfull lot of you are just selfish, that the first thought that pops into your head is your own self, survival, and pleasure. Particularly you bachelors. Irregardless, he could have still pleased his wife by just doing what she said in the first place instead of thinking about whether he should do it. I think that a guy is already in trouble, if hes even taking the time to think about what she said instead of just jumping right to it.

     The last thing that I will say about this subject is that sometimes it is not exactly about what the guy thinks it is about. If I ask a guy to take out the trash, then that’s what he needs to do to make me happy. But, the reason I need him to take out the trash is not really because of sanitation concerns, it is really because I need him to contribute to the household, I need his help in general. I could do the trash myself, I have arms, but this is a great way for him to contribute to the household. When he fails to do so, I am not worried about sanitation, I am worried about his desire to contribute, and about his desire to help, and about his commitment to the family. A lot of time men don’t really know the reason we are asking them to do something, they think they do, but frequently they do not really understand. If you still think that taking out the trash is more about sanitation than about commitment to helping your family then in my opinion you are not getting it.

SHORT STORY - Be forewarned, erotic short story, it could be a little much for some of you guys.

Karl watched the vodka bottle fall, spiraling downward to its end. He could barely hear the crash as the glass bottle shattered. He grinned at that thought. In his drunken state, somehow a barely audible noise from a vodka bottle hitting the bottom of a canyon seemed funny. He knew he was drunk. His sight following the bottle down had made him dizzy. His stomach was rolling around in his gut while he stared transfixed at the bottom. He couldn’t really see the broken glass, the bottom was too far away. He just knew where the spot was that the bottle had crashed to, and he stood staring transfixed at that spot. Some part of his brain was very well aware of the danger. He was not a straight standing man right now. He thought he might be swaying a bit. A part of his mind was practically shouting at him now. He was woozy and standing on the edge of a high cliff. But he didn’t care and all he did was to clutch at his stomach and wish the nausea down. He had deliberately come to this isolated area in the national forest. He had deliberately hiked six long miles with a day pack full of vodka bottles and up a rocky path to get to the top of this cliff. He knew exactly where he was. He knew exactly why he was here. It was all his fault and he could never go back. So he clutched his stomach as he swayed, tears hazing his vision, as he whispered to himself “my life is over, over, I’m done”. When his mouth watered violently, he knew he had lost a battle with his stomach, and he leaned forward to hurl.  

He fell, and then he hung, and then he clutched violently at tree roots and dirt at the cliffs edge. And then he saw a dark face framed by long, wild, black hair, a big man looking right at him, and he stilled in shock. Only then did he realize how panicked he was, how fast his heart beat in his chest, how desperately he was trying to hold on to the edge, on to life. The big mans face was young, with a wild and dirty beard and mustache and only inches from his own. He seemed to be lying on the ground of the cliff, staring at him with a blank expression. Wonder at how this guys face had gotten so close to his own was in his mind when he felt himself fly through the air. He screamed as his body was forced to the ground with a painful momentum, and was shocked when he realized he was lying on his stomach and still alive. He stilled for a minute, feeling the ground beneath him, registering that he was only in the air for a second, that he had been thrown up in the air and back onto the cliff. Shock still flooded him, it had all happened so fast. He had fallen over, and then stopped, and he had tried to save himself, clawing franticly, and then the strange dark man with the hair. Something clicked in his brain and realization bloomed in his thought, the stranger had caught him, somehow the strange man had grabbed on to him and saved his life. He pushed himself upward then, trying to get his knees under him so he could stand up, when he was knocked back down so forcefully the air whooshed out of him.

He was pinned beneath the big man. His stomach and chest so forcefully to the ground he could barely breathe. He was trying to push up with his arms but fury animal like arms held him down. This wild man was some kind of an animal with hairy animal arms. He suddenly realized the horrible stench coming from the animal man. It was acrid and strong and smelled like something dead. Suddenly his pants were pulled down to his ankles, and he had no idea how it had happened, it had happened so fast. His mind screamed at him then, something was wrong, really wrong with this. Adrenalin coursed through him and with a surge of energy he flailed wildly and tried to get his body off the ground. He fought with everything he had to get the animal man off of his back. Adrenalin and fear brought tears to his eyes and he knew he was screaming as he felt himself being pierced from behind. It felt like a humungous white hot dagger being pushed into his ass, ripping and burning its way through his flesh. He felt it drag in and out, ripping, tearing him apart. Somewhere in the back of his mind there was an awareness and he knew he was screaming, crying, begging the animal to stop. But he had lost all intellect, and couldn’t form a coherent thought to save his life. All he knew was the pain, the in and out dragging burning thing that seemed never ending. Time stood still and went on forever all at the same time as he felt his ass ripped and shredded. Amazingly, he felt it move faster, and then slow down, and then it changed and he realized it was ending. Life and air seemed to slowly flow back into Karl as the animal pulled it’s large member out of him. It felt as if his soul had retreated from him during the attack only to return to a broken body that he could barely believe was his. Shock flooded his system. What had just happened to him? It couldn’t have been what he thought.

He felt the great weight of the animal off of him and he tried to hurry up off the ground. He got to his arms and knees, but the pain came back so terrible he fell back to the ground again. He ended up in a fetal position, willing his body to be still, waiting for the pain to ebb away. The pain was better than before, but it still hurt like he was on fire back there. He lay there, trying to be still, praying for it to be done and for the hurt to go away.

A few minutes later he was trying to think. He needed to get away. The monster was nearby, just a few feet away in front of him. It sat back on its haunches watching him. It was covered with fur but had a mans face, and it stunk horribly of something dead. He couldn’t bring himself to look directly at it, but kept his gaze directed right beside it’s feet. He was scared to death to move, to even look at it. He was scared he would give it a reason to come back towards him. His brain screamed at him that he had to get up and run away from the monster. Much of the pain had ebbed away but he was still hurting badly. Karl realized he was still crying and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands. Then he suddenly became self conscious and didn’t want to be lying there with his pants down. He reached down and slowly pulled his pants back up, keeping his eyes on the monsters feet, terrified that it would come after him again. His hands shook too much to get his pants snapped so he just gave up on it, satisfied instead that he had managed to successfully get the zipper zipped up at least. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He didn’t know what to do. He just knew he had to get away.

Up on his hands and knees, he started to slowly crawl away, always keeping his eyes on the monsters feet. He made it a few feet toward the tree line before the monster suddenly stood up. Karl stopped immediately, holding his breath, watching. The monster took a step forward. Karl jumped up, running towards the trees as adrenalin surged in him, giving him what he needed to escape. But in an instant, he was thrown to the ground again. Heaving, and flailing, and fighting for everything he was worth. Punch after punch crashed into his sides painfully. His head was lifted and thrown into the ground forcefully. There was a roaring in his ears before his vision faded and darkness took him.

What does submission mean to me?

I define submission on a basic level as the yielding of control in order to appease another. But on a deeper level, I see submission as an act of trust and an acceptance of unconditional love. I would want my mate to truly accept the unconditional love I offer him and for me his complete obedience and trust is the proof of a loving and committed relationship. To me, the joyful feeling that he receives from submitting, comes from this well of unconditional love that he has let himself accept. Any pain I inflict, any boundaries I push, any humiliation he suffers, and any discomfort he overcomes are all proof of his love and respect for me. I wonder if anyone else feels this way.